Text by Shanell Verandez, Copyright 2022
Photography by Tony Ward, Copyright 2022
Creative Director: KVaughn
Assistant to photographer: Anthony Colagreco
I hope I don’t offend, but I have a high disdain for sex…. I am an Asexual Being. At times this has caused a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings towards others including myself. One would wonder… What does this stem from? What has now caused me to embrace a life of Asexuality? Shall we begin? I was a very horny little girl, I was fascinated with my tiny breasts and would always pose nude in mirrors any chance I got and used to hump my stuffed teddy bears, and pillowcase edges.
Sometimes at night my parents would come home and find me naked in their bed with a smile on my face. I would even flirt around with my Uncles ( one paternal, one maternal) they were only two years older than me as well as some of my female friends (remember I am fascinated with breasts) and I had some very developed female friends. I was trying just about anything to relieve my sexual tension as a young girl. Then I became menstrual at 11 and my Mother (whom to this day I still have an intense strained toxic relationship with) went bonkers. I thought I was dying because of her reaction to my panties. She didn’t explain to me what was happening to my body, I had to get the lesson from my Aunt.
Throughout my teens, I started to feel ashamed and shy about sex, because my Mom would constantly accuse me of having sex and even would “check” my panties after a slumber party or events to smell or see if I had sex. Then I discovered sex games, spin the bottle, etc and almost lost my virginity to a cute mixed neighborhood boy in his backyard, but he couldn’t find my opening.
My Mom at one point even let me take a boyfriend but I refused to have sex with him because I now wanted to be the good girl who wasn’t a pregnant statistic in the neighborhood, so I focused more heavily on school, sports and music. I had no more time for human interaction, nor intimacy. I kept my virginity until I was 20 years old and lost it to a narcissist, abusive mixed East Indian man boy. I will finish that relationship right there, he doesn’t deserve anymore space. After that sexual experience, I started to attract the same shitty men with the same intentions in mind… Hit it then Leave.
I started to realize that sex to me is meaningless and serves no purpose in my life. At the same time, I admire people who embrace their sensuality and are sexually free. Believe me, I have had my share of sexual encounters from being a Dom at the Hellfire club , Voyuerism, Ménage a Trois and Tantra. Maybe I was exposed to the wrong people at those times but it made me realize what type of pleasure I want and don’t want. As an Asexual Being, people wonder… How do I please myself? Toys Toys Toys they are a Godsend. Maybe one day my sexual drive will come back on high gear and I will be back on the intimacy trail with some lucky guy…
Editor’s Note: This is Shanell Verandez first sitting with Tony Ward for the Vixen’s series. To see all of the work to date from the new series, click here: https://tonyward.com/new-work-the-vixens-series/