Poetry by Mikala Mikrut, Copyright 2022
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I’m Recyclable
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I thought relationships ended one of two ways
The first when one person isn’t as in love as the other
The second when both have grown apart
But neither happened with us
You left without warning
You moved on before I knew we were through
You threw me away
But what you didn’t realize is that I’m recyclable
I was recycled before finding you
And I’ll be broken down and rebuilt again
Old parts of me ripped to shreds
New ones melt to what managed to stay
To you I’ll look the same every time
But you never paid attention in the first place
You knew I was discolored
But you never noted where
You knew I was imperfect
But you never cared to learn how or why
If I was a Rubik’s cube
You were color blind
I am not incomprehensible
I am infinitely understandable
But you didn’t even try
You liked the idea of me
Who I was in a still picture
Where you could daydream coming home
To my plastic smile
And serve your mother’s chicken Alfredo
Listening about how hard your day was
Having nothing to say about mine
Because I don’t exist when you can’t see me
You have the object permanence of a fucking child
Or maybe I wasn’t permanent because I refused to be an object
Did you hate that I demanded what you promised me?
That I remembered how you used to be
And wanted to know what changed?
I didn’t care what the answer was
But you didn’t have one for me anyway
It didn’t have to go back
I still wanted to see you
I still wanted to hear your voice
I still wanted your company
Even though it was empty
It was shallow and had no room for me
That’s fine
I was fine
But you couldn’t even give me that.
I made myself so small for you that I almost disappeared
I see now that I was never really too much
You just had too little capacity for me
And yet I still would have gladly catered to you
Gladly would have waited on standby
Until you returned to me
Incapable of existing outside your sight line
But was I ever really in it?
If I was I would have thought it harder for you to leave
Harder for you to cut me out so suddenly
So permanently
But I was blinded by my own complacency
There was never any proof of me
What pictures did I know you had?
What memories did I think you kept?
I finally realize why every gift I gave you
Had to do with us
Never you
I thought if I shoved what we could be through your ears
That you would hear a future with me
But you weren’t even present
So how easy was it?
To throw away all the pictures of me so she couldn’t see
To keep the frames for something else that will actually be
You threw me away
But I’m recyclable, baby.
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About The Author: Mikala Mikrut hails from Las Vegas, Nevada. She is currently working for a childhood entertainment company as an actress.