Mikala Mikrut: I’m Recyclable

fashion photo of model wearing smbd mask and camisole
Mikala. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2022

Poetry by Mikala Mikrut, Copyright 2022


I’m Recyclable


I thought relationships ended one of two ways

The first when one person isn’t as in love as the other

The second when both have grown apart

But neither happened with us

You left without warning 

You moved on before I knew we were through

You threw me away 

But what you didn’t realize is that I’m recyclable

I was recycled before finding you

And I’ll be broken down and rebuilt again

Old parts of me ripped to shreds

New ones melt to what managed to stay 

To you I’ll look the same every time

But you never paid attention in the first place

You knew I was discolored 

But you never noted where

You knew I was imperfect 

But you never cared to learn how or why

If I was a Rubik’s cube 

You were color blind

I am not incomprehensible 

I am infinitely understandable 

But you didn’t even try

You liked the idea of me

Who I was in a still picture

Where you could daydream coming home

To my plastic smile 

And serve your mother’s chicken Alfredo 

Listening about how hard your day was

Having nothing to say about mine

Because I don’t exist when you can’t see me

You have the object permanence of a fucking child

Or maybe I wasn’t permanent because I refused to be an object

Did you hate that I demanded what you promised me?

That I remembered how you used to be 

And wanted to know what changed?

I didn’t care what the answer was

But you didn’t have one for me anyway

It didn’t have to go back 

I still wanted to see you

I still wanted to hear your voice

I still wanted your company

Even though it was empty

It was shallow and had no room for me

That’s fine

I was fine 

But you couldn’t even give me that. 

I made myself so small for you that I almost disappeared

I see now that I was never really too much

You just had too little capacity for me

And yet I still would have gladly catered to you

Gladly would have waited on standby

Until you returned to me

Incapable of existing outside your sight line

But was I ever really in it?

If I was I would have thought it harder for you to leave

Harder for you to cut me out so suddenly

So permanently 

But I was blinded by my own complacency 

There was never any proof of me

What pictures did I know you had? 

What memories did I think you kept?

I finally realize why every gift I gave you

Had to do with us

Never you

I thought if I shoved what we could be through your ears 

That you would hear a future with me

But you weren’t even present

So how easy was it?

To throw away all the pictures of me so she couldn’t see

To keep the frames for something else that will actually be

You threw me away

But I’m recyclable, baby.


Portrait of Vegas beauty Mikala Mikrut
Mikala Mikrut. 2022


About The Author: Mikala Mikrut hails from Las Vegas, Nevada.  She is currently working for a childhood entertainment company as an actress.


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